Hello, dear editors of the magazine “Heir”. I read the first two issues and thought that the magazine was unlikely to leave young people indifferent, and would most likely make them think about a lot. That’s why I decided to address your readers from the pages of your magazine, especially those who are not yet 23 (somehow, it seems to me, by this time the “adolescent age” usually ends). In one of Richard Bach’s books there is a phrase about youth: “It’s unclear how we survived at this age.” And here I deeply agree with him, because I well remember my recent walks on the razor’s edge. If you consider it possible and publish my letter, I will be very grateful to you.

I will not talk about sin, because it is difficult to think about eternity when it seems that if you do not immediately, without leaving your place, empty the mysterious bottle with the inscription on the label “My Life”, then it will be snatched from your hands and it will go to someone something else. I just want to say (and this is from personal experience), that for most of us, after a couple of steps, around the corner, a revelation usually awaits: There, further, is also my life! And it’s this immediate turn that I wanted to talk about.

I think that most girls sooner or later hear from their mothers something like “Make sure you don’t do anything stupid!” Some even explain why. But among these explanations, which in general boil down to the fact that “from a young age, your whole life will go awry,” how often can you hear the simple and understandable to every girl, “Wait for your loved one”?

For some reason my mother didn’t tell me this (although she had every right to do so - she waited). We must give her credit: she tried to warn me, but with some alien, official words that did not sink into my soul and were quickly forgotten.

And now I look at my growing daughter and think: what will I tell her? "Wait for your loved one." Not because I have the right to do so. But because I’ve seen enough of the tears and pain of those who didn’t get it.

My school friend (a girl who was far from flighty and always dreamed of a prince) at the age of 19 suddenly decided that she had nothing to wait or lose, and started an obviously hopeless affair with some married man... And two months later she met her future husband. He, of course, didn’t reproach her with a word, but how offended she was!

And how many bitter examples there are among other close friends! Some “accidental” - very light and unobtrusive - romance “suddenly” ends in pregnancy (“suddenly” - because it seems that this could happen to anyone, but not to you!!!) And when circumstances have already made you think about All this is deeper, you suddenly find yourself faced with the fact that the answer to the question “Can I live my whole life with this man?” Well, not affirmative at all. And just as unassertive - to the question “Does this man have the right to be the father of my child?” And then it becomes clear that you should have asked questions a little earlier, but now that’s it, it’s over - a monstrous mistake has been made. And the worst thing is that often, instead of feeling joy from the knowledge of the onset of motherhood, a woman feels the breath of death nearby (perhaps because the fate of an inopportunely conceived baby is decided instantly and irrevocably). And this icy breath at one moment burns out in the soul of a failed mother a huge field of future love - for a husband she has not yet met, for her unborn children. And when all this comes (if you are lucky), then this remaining pathetic scrap of love is not enough for those closest to you. And then they suffer, dragging it, like a short blanket, from one to another...

But it's not just about the girls. Guys often don't wait either. They get married without figuring it out, because “the time has come” or because a friend is already pregnant and it’s somehow unmanly to ruin the relationship. And then several years pass, and - here it is, a meeting! You look at this new couple and think: “It’s really amazing how they suit each other, and even look alike, like brother and sister,” and you don’t know what to say to them. All that’s on the tip of your tongue is: “You guys are late for this meeting. We should have waited for each other... And now with your happiness you will cause pain to so many people...” Because there is no longer only one child in the family, and so is the wife. best years I gave it to my husband, etc., etc.

In general, I just want to add that you should not rush to “drink to the bottom” your youth. It will seem to you that you are drinking and enjoying its taste, but it turns out that you poured it into someone else’s glasses (so illegible!). No way! Let the best part of it go to your dearest person who you will definitely meet.

When the days begin to get longer, when birds are clearly heard in the mornings, and the weather is more reminiscent of spring than winter, there seems to be more love around. Suddenly you notice couples kissing here and there, and even your husband wants to say something nice. It's time - and not only for the classics. Ordinary people closer to us in time can tell no less. Here are pages about love written by Lena Alekseevna Nikitina - yes, that same mother of 7 children, wife of Boris Pavlovich, legend of “early development”.

First love

I was uncompromising in my hopes: I expected a huge love, not a tiny one - all or nothing! My “boyish” childhood gave me boyish rudeness, artlessness and painful shyness in expressing feelings. I didn’t know how to flirt: it seemed dishonest to me; I didn’t want to try to please: it was humiliating for me.

And no one, not a single person in the world guessed that to me. I liked one boy from our class. The most I dared to do was sneak a glance after him. And when he answered at the board, I couldn’t look at him: I was afraid that I would blush. Holy feeling - may God grant everyone to experience this first touch to the soul of another person, penetration into his world.

Mine remains my secret. Even now I could not admit it to the person who caused it. But what a deep imprint it left on me for the rest of my life, what a great school of feelings it was: in these sweet, touching trifles, work of enormous importance was going on - comprehension spiritual world another person and... recognizing yourself.

What does all this have to do with my future family, with my children? The most direct thing, otherwise my frankness would simply be inappropriate.

Love: what you expect is what you get

I decided to tell a story about my first, half-childhood love because this spiritual stage in the development of relations between two people seems to me to be extremely important. It cannot be avoided if you want deep love and a lasting family. The time of “courtship”, betrothal and engagement rituals reflect the desire to find a couple, first of all, to your liking. It seemed to be instilled in young people: take your time, take a closer look, listen to both yourself and others before you cross the line.

But what this is needed for became clear to me relatively recently.

The stage of spiritual rapprochement, the spiritual adjustment of young people to each other - this is their main preparation not only for friendship, but also for future parental responsibilities in their most human, most responsible essence. It is known: in order to give birth to a child, “who lacks intelligence.” No special physical or mental compatibility is required for this; nature has unified us all in this regard, like billions of billions of other living beings. What's wrong with her? If only there were more.

But for us - humanity - this is not enough. And love, as you know, can be different - to each his own. In many ways, this depends, in my opinion, on different expectations of love, which determine not only the duration and depth of feelings, but also the very choice of a loved one. Literally, what you expect is what you get - just make no mistake!

Love and... children?

But I will continue the story about myself. So I waited too Great love. But the children somehow did not fit into my ideas about my future life.

Student life captured me. There was friendship in her, and young romantic love, and her friends had cheerful chips and... children. I remember being stunned: “What, Rose has a baby?” - but no more curiosity or joy from this news. More like surprise: does she even want to? This fuss with diapers, feedings... Life passes by, there are so many interesting things in it: scientific circles, amateur activities, wall newspapers, first attempts at writing - all this, of course, I didn’t consider all vanity...

And then came 1954 - virgin land! - year. I'm in Altai, a teacher in high school. I'm 24, I'm among the most children different ages, but he doesn’t think about his own people, not before. I have to sleep three to four hours a day: notebooks, preparing for lessons, school work - nothing was more important for me in life then.

But there was a man waiting for me in Moscow; I went to the post office every day with a sinking heart to receive his letters, and when I finally received the thick package, I didn’t open it until home and for the first time I could read the pieces of paper covered in the familiar awkward handwriting only when there was no one in the room. No, I was neither stone nor wood - I was alive.

One day I was sitting at the last desk in a lesson with one of my colleagues. The guys were puffing away hard at the dictation, but I was bored. The backs of children's heads - what's interesting here? But I took a closer look: how different they are, however, even the shorn boyish heads - just write down the characteristics! This one, with the tuft on top of his head, is, of course, a bully and stubborn, and this one, disheveled like a sparrow, is probably late and loses things at random...

I fantasized wildly and had so much fun that the teacher, while dictating a phrase, faltered and looked at me in bewilderment. I came to my senses, but - strange! — I felt that all the guys became somehow indifferent to me. And then a sudden thought burned me: “What would mine be like?” And shame, and aching tenderness, and some other unknown feeling overwhelmed me. I feel my face burning. I look furtively at the teacher: haven’t you noticed? No, she walks through the rows, looking at notebooks. And I, having come to my senses, looked around at the heads bent over the notebooks...

That day a strange mood came over me: I kept watching the kids (for some reason the smallest and puniest ones) and “choosing” someone to be my son or daughter. Two days later, in the whirlwind of school, my sadness disappeared, but a trace remained, such a thin, hidden, but indelible trace - a trace of expectation, premonition, forerunner...

How to wait for the only one

When I returned to Moscow, my stormy and long voyage on the waves of an incomprehensible and somehow alarming love was supposed to end in a quiet family haven. Well, what is it: without him I don’t find a place for myself, but with him I’m constrained, awkward, not myself. I miss his letters, but every letter, expected with such trepidation, somehow disappoints and irritates. It seemed to me that with my loved one, my loved one, my person, I should, on the contrary, become more myself, but better myself. It didn’t work out and it didn’t work out: I couldn’t overcome this barrier of spiritual alienation. I cried, but didn’t give up. At first it was hard, then I realized: everything is correct - it’s better to “not get along” before than after.

Only at 28 did I wait for my only one, whom I believed immediately and forever: such pure eyes, through which “the soul is visible to the bottom,” and such a heart, open to people and everything good in them, I have never met. And... it was decided: I could entrust my fate only to him. But when we started our common life, we did not know, of course, what children would become for us, what happiness we would experience in raising them and how difficult it would be to build this happiness.

My dowry

Now is the time to draw some conclusions. What did I bring to the threshold of my future? family life? How was I prepared for all my roles as a woman in life? IN in brief My ideas about them boiled down to the following:

• the main thing is work, the rest is subordinate to it;
• attitude towards love and marriage is sublime, demanding and naive at the same time (Submit to your husband? No way!);
• farming - unfortunately, you can’t do without it, but it would be nice not to waste time on it;
• children? Actually yes. But no matter how they interfere with something more important. Fortunately, there is a way out - a nursery, a kindergarten...

If I were to evaluate my preparation for family life on a five-point scale, then fifteen years ago I probably would have given myself no higher than a three, but now for the same thing I’ll probably give it a four plus. The question is: why? Why did I over time make such a significant revaluation of my “pre-family luggage”?

My desire to be independent taught me responsibility, and without it, a mother is not a mother. My attitude to work determined my willingness to take on any job and see it through to completion, and I couldn’t do without my mother’s ability to work and patience, including in the household.

And it was my conviction that family is indissoluble, and love is enduring, that served as the impetus for my great efforts to find ways out of family conflicts without complaining about various circumstances and without counting on anyone’s help.

And children... Well, I really didn't know what my child was. But when he was born, nothing stood between us - neither knowledge, nor prejudice. We learned to understand each other without intermediaries - this is where my mother’s school began.

Only now can I fully appreciate: it was a good start. And thanks to those who gave me such a dowry at the beginning of my family life. We made everything else and overcame it together as a family.

1. Faith

The first thing I can say from my own experience is that there must be unshakable faith that your meeting will happen and that this will be your person. No one should shake this faith: not parents, not sisters, not friends. You must be absolutely sure that God will send you this meeting, and this will happen in the future. How soon this future will be, we will talk about this further. But your faith in this meeting must be firm, so you should not trade for less. We have believed in this since childhood, but as we grow up, our faith weakens, our parents try to marry us off to someone else, and this is a big mistake. I myself could have done it many times, but then my Faith returned to me again.

2. Clear description.

After a difficult breakup, I took a sheet of A4 paper and described in areas how I wanted him to be, what he should be for me. I almost didn’t concentrate on the area of ​​appearance, I only wrote that he should be attractive to me and taller than me. I described everything else in detail: character, hobbies, attitude towards me, how we spend time together, single, has a separate home, his own car, etc.

I also want to recommend writing on a separate piece of paper how you are with him, how he makes you feel. For example: necessary, necessary, desired, beloved...Put this piece of paper in your bag and carry it with you, rereading it periodically. This is necessary so that you always see the landmark and do not make mistakes in your choice. When you meet a young man and he starts courting you, you take out a piece of paper and look: do I feel necessary with him? Or tender? Or a goddess? Perhaps this is not the same person at all, because he does not evoke these feelings in me.

When I got married and found my piece of paper with a description, I happily noted to myself that everything I had wished for had come true.

3. Development

The next important point I want to note is that you need to continue to develop and thus raise your energetic vibrations. Listen to lectures and webinars, read great books about femininity, take new courses, develop new skills, sign up for and attend some local psychology club. All this makes you different, more interesting, more educated, fulfilled, and energetically strong. The same vibrations will attract you to the very person you wished for the Universe. The only question is time. You are the one who will inspire him with admiration.

4. Checks.

This is the most difficult thing. Life begins to send you different men in the form of tests. When you develop and you have a clear guideline, then life wants to test your strength and loyalty to your values. Men will come into your life to test your strength. Well, let's see, if I don't work, how will she react? Will she develop the relationship and feel sorry for me, or will she say “no”? Often, after testing you, these men fall off on their own. Someone leaves, stops calling, you yourself stop communicating with someone, making room for that same person.

5. Vigilance

After the checks, there is a short moment of calm, and then, as if by magic, your meeting occurs. And here the most important thing is to be vigilant and recognize that this is your person. Don’t put it in the category of “checks”, but already in the category of “the one”.

I want to end this article with such a very strong phrase of one wise man, which at one time greatly influenced me: “It’s better to be happy alone than unhappy with someone.”

And how to recognize and calculate that it is he, I will tell you about this in my next article.

Anything can happen in life: prosperity, poverty, joy, and sorrow. But every person needs to remember that there is always a way out. And if trouble happens, then it is either as a well-deserved punishment, or as a bitter experience.

Often even people say: “There would be no happiness, but misfortune would help.” But what to do, how to get out of poverty if it knocks on your door?

Calm, just calm!

Do not despair. Believe me, tears, depression, and anger at the whole wide world will not help the matter. Common sense, a sober outlook on life must be present not only in unpleasant circumstances, but at any moment.

Take a notebook or notepad, a regular A4 sheet and a calculator. Calculate who and how much money you owe. What Plan everything in writing. The calculator will help you calculate how much you can save on purchases and what is the likelihood that you will soon pay off the loan or We will tell you how to get out of poverty further.

Constant lack of money or debt

Do you know what Christians usually do when trouble strikes? They pray to God to help in everything. They believe that the Lord reminds us of Himself in this way, gives people the opportunity to come to their senses and stop wasting their lives in vain.

The crisis in the country or in the world is not the reason for your poverty. You create such an environment yourself. It's time to sit down and think about what you have done over the last period. What could lead to debt and lack of money?

Learning to save

Think about whether you are wasting your money? Do you smoke? Do you like to drink? You know that alcohol and tobacco kill the body, give up bad habits in favor of the budget or paying off debts.

How can a woman get out of poverty? Why are we talking about her? Because she loves to use cosmetics, perfumes, bath accessories, and buy new clothes. You can live with a beautiful appearance and without these attributes, simply and tastefully.

Don't buy extra toys, chocolates and chips for your children. Not only are these harmful products that destroy the body, but they are also expensive.

Buy only everything you need and at the lowest price, at a promotion or at a discount. Or maybe it’s cheaper to choose an analogue. Don’t chase advertising brands, for example, “Blend-a-Med” paste, of course, costs almost 10 times more than “New Pearl” or “Forest Balsam”.

Debts on a loan or other payments

Anyone who has encountered late payments knows that it is almost impossible to hide, and warnings cannot be ignored. The penalty (fine for late payment) is getting larger and larger every day. Most banks charge penalties as a percentage rather than as a fixed cost. There may then be legal proceedings, including confiscation of property.

How to get out of poverty in this case? Direct all funds available to you to repay the loan. It’s better to walk to work for a month and not smoke, but you’ll quickly pay off your debts.

Is it worth borrowing from relatives and neighbors?

You should not ask for a loan from neighbors, colleagues, or relatives if you are not sure that you will pay it back soon. But it's worth a try. Just promise that you will return it when the opportunity arises. Don't give specific dates.

How to get out of poverty and debt thanks to the help of others? Be sure to write down who you took the money from and in what quantity. Don't spend the extra money on things you can buy later.

Ways to earn additional income

There are now many options available to get out of poverty. The methods are presented below:

• overtime or part-time work at the main job;
• turn your hobby into a job;
• freelancing;
• tutoring;
• care or supervision of a child, elderly person, pets.

If you are good at sewing or knitting, you can do handicrafts to sell.

How to get out of debt and poverty with freelancing? think about what you do well when working on a computer? Write texts or edit photos? Nowadays you can find many ways to make money online.

If, for example, you are well versed in cars, then you can recommend yourself through your relatives, friends, and colleagues as an experienced craftsman.

Even if you know how to do practically nothing, then it's time to learn something. Maybe you will discover a talent for a specific activity.

Preventing poverty and debt

So we figured out how to get out of poverty and debt. If you have not experienced such a crisis, then it would be worthwhile to engage in prevention. What is it? Let's list:

• Don’t take out loans at all, because you can never predict what might happen tomorrow. You can, of course, take out loan insurance, but you also have to pay for it, and a lot.
• Buy things and products when absolutely necessary.
• if the journey takes less than 3-4 kilometers. This way you will save on expensive public transport and gasoline for your personal car.
• Buy goods where it is cheaper. If there are periodic promotions, then do not rush to buy an item at an inflated price. Wait for the discount.
• Learn to put the extra money from your salary in a secluded place so that you are not tempted to take out the money.
• Take a part-time job if possible.

May you always have extra money. You can put them in different envelopes, piggy banks, niches under the carpet.

If you learn to act thoughtfully every time, then you will not have to deal with debt. Unfortunately, no one is immune from poverty; you can only reduce it to a minimum and protect yourself from debt once and for all.