Valeria Simonova

People cry from the very first day of life - this is a natural reaction of our body to stress. The cause of tears is a feeling of deep grief, resentment, disappointment. Pity and compassion, a sense of pride and sincere joy can also cause tears. Psychologists agree that crying is good. However, there are situations in life when to cry means to lose, to show one's weakness, vulnerability. What to do when you need to restrain yourself at any cost, you will learn from this article.

In what situations do you need to restrain yourself?

Women are often called crybabies. Yes, our mobile psyche reacts to any emotional shock. We cry from overwhelming feelings. Tears are needed. They help to cope with stress, extinguish negative emotions. Particularly useful for us are tears of sympathy, which heal not only our body, but also our soul.

But there are times when you can't cry.

Here are some of them:

1. On the exam. It seems to you that the teacher is too picky and decided to give you a deuce in the test at any cost. But you are tired and studied all night. Tears of resentment well up in my eyes. These tears cannot be held back;

In such a situation, it is absolutely impossible to cry. Why? A small child with tears causes pity for himself, attracts attention. Crying, he gives a signal: I am weak, have pity on me. In an exam, crying is more likely to cause a backlash. She cries, so she doesn’t know anything, she didn’t teach, she tries to pity.

To be equal with the teacher, you need to show that you are an adult and know how to restrain yourself.

1. At the interview. At the interview, you are asked a lot of incorrect, in your opinion, questions, making you show emotions and get nervous. The fact is that the employer has his own idea of ​​what kind of employee he needs. In order to check whether the applicant is resistant to stress and unforeseen situations, a so-called stress interview is conducted. Shedding tears is the most unfortunate way out in this situation. This means showing your weakness and unsuitability for the job you are applying for. If you need this job, you should definitely hold back tears when talking with the employer;
2. On the street with a large crowd of people. It happens that an unexpected trouble took you by surprise. A misfortune happened, a loved one left. The natural way out in this case is sobs and bitter tears. No need to cry in the street. This will cause unnecessary attention of strangers. Passers-by are unlikely to be able to help you. But scammers who take advantage of a vulnerable state of a person will not pass by.

It is undeniable that there are a lot of situations in which you need to restrain yourself. You have come across them many times. How to hold back the tears that came at the wrong time and control your emotions?

1. Switching attention;

If tears are already welling up in your eyes and you need to hold them back, you can mentally ask yourself one of the following questions: "Did I turn off the iron?", “Did the neighbors flood me?”. Psychologists call these questions "adrenaline". A sharp release of adrenaline into the blood will change your emotions, and you will not cry.

1. Turning on the imagination;

Present your offender in a funny and ridiculous way.

Or try "substitution method" You are the boss, and the boss is you. How many kind words would you say to him? Here, the main thing is not to overdo it. Loud laughter in such a situation is also inappropriate.

Physical Ways to Stop Crying

1. Change your body position. If you are sitting, stand up, you can take a few steps, move a chair, shift papers. Act according to the situation;
2. Inhale slowly and deeply, straighten your shoulders, raise your head up;
3. Interlock and disengage your fingers. You can pinch your hand;
4. Ask for water, take a few deep, slow sips;
5. Shift your gaze, look into the distance or at a picture hanging on the wall.

If you are going to cry for a physical reason: your eyes are watery from fatigue, dust or mote has got in, you are allergic to strong odors, then these measures will not help you. In this situation, the best way out is to apologize and try to eliminate the cause of the tears. Take your medicine, flush your eyes, go outside for fresh air.

So that a negative mood after an unpleasant conversation does not haunt you all day, take emergency measures:

1. wash immediately with cold water;
2. read "to yourself", if possible, then aloud a cheerful children's poem;
3. go to the mirror, smile at yourself through force, then again. This can be done until the smile becomes natural;
4. drink hot sweet tea.

If you cry very often for the slightest reason and it is very difficult for you to hold back tears, consult a doctor. Perhaps you have health problems. It can be stress, chronic fatigue, thyroid disease.

Sometimes it happens that tears come to the eyes at the most inopportune moment - someone offended, a bad mood reached its peak, uninvited memories flooded in ... But it's not always possible to cry right away and take your soul away - others are unlikely to appreciate public hysteria. How not to cry at the wrong time?

Tears are harder to hide from people than laughter: if a fit of laughter can be disguised as a cough, then the tears flowing down your cheeks will betray you with your head. That's just not always tears in a public place are appropriate. And if they are connected with the fact that someone offended you, then not crying is a matter of honor, because with tears you will show the offender that he has achieved his goal.

How not to cry if you really want to? The easiest way is unpleasant physical sensations. It is also used for. As soon as you feel like crying, bite your tongue, the inside of your lip or cheek. Or clench your fists so hard that your nails dig into your palm. Just do not overdo it, otherwise you still have to cry - only now from pain, and not from frustration.

But this way not to cry is not always effective. If possible, you need to eliminate the cause of your tears, and if this is not possible, then at least distract from it. For example, if tears are caused by the fact that someone offends you, scolds you, you can try to imagine the offender in a funny way. Remember how in "Harry Potter" one of the students imagined the formidable Professor Snape in his grandmother's clothes? Here is something similar for you to check. The main thing is not to go to the other extreme and not laugh.

If there is no specific reason for tears - just unpleasant memories flooded in or the mood itself is “not good” for a combination of reasons, you need to somehow relax and think about something else. The grandfather advised the hero of Krapivin's book "A Lullaby for a Brother": "As it scratches in your throat, remember the green baboon Jimmy." You can follow his advice literally and really imagine the green baboon so as not to cry.

In principle, anything can become your "Baboon Jimmy". Just try to be distracted by things that are fun and funny, or at least neutral. If you, trying to distract yourself from one problem, think of a dozen others, this is unlikely to improve your emotional state.

Well don't forget breathe calmly and deeply, this will additionally help you not to cry. After all, crying is not just tears accompanied by a certain emotional state. Crying is also accompanied by specific facial expressions, contractions of the diaphragm and a change in breathing (long inhalation and stepped exhalation or vice versa), outwardly this is manifested in sobs and sobs. So, even breathing may not help to hold back tears, but it will save you from more obvious manifestations of crying - sobs and sobs.

By the way, smoking helps some, and the point here is not only that smoking in itself has a calming effect. The fact is that, inhaling, the smoker breathes deeper and more evenly. But we will not recommend this method for use. If you do not smoke or smoke very rarely - no need to reach for a cigarette so as not to cry, it is better to use less unhealthy methods.

But do not abuse the tricks to keep from crying. Use them only when it's really important to you not to cry in public. If you are alone, then you should not hold back tears and try not to cry., it is better to throw out all the negativity, not allowing it to accumulate. Anyway, sooner or later you will “break through” at the most inopportune moment, and holding back the tears that have been accumulating for weeks and even months is very, very difficult.

By the way, if lately you feel like crying more and more with or without reason, see a doctor“Wet eyes” can indicate not only psychological problems and stress, but also problems with the nervous and endocrine systems.

Man is an extremely complex being, with a highly developed nervous system and pronounced mental activity. We are all, to a greater or lesser extent, subject to emotions. Anger, irritation, tearfulness or euphoria, “walking in the clouds” and “rose-colored glasses”, mood swings - all these are manifestations of our world of feelings, without which a person would long ago have turned into a robotic, soulless creature.

Tears as a reaction to emotions with plus and minus signs

What emotions throughout life do we experience more often - positive or negative? It is rather difficult to answer this question. And who can count how many times we stretch our lips in a smile, sigh with relief or tensely and wipe treacherous tears. It was only for Princess Nesmeyana that buckets were placed during her sobs, so that’s why she’s a fairy tale! Is it possible not to cry at all? From physical, sadness and even joy? Absolutely - of course not! And why, for example, restrain yourself if your eyes are wet from a long-awaited meeting with your loved one, or if something made you laugh immensely? On the contrary, such emotions bring only positive, cleansing and inspiring moments. Is it necessary not to cry when it’s really hard and some unpleasant events put pressure on the heart like a stone, disturb the consciousness, embarrass? Psychologists unequivocally say: on the contrary, in such cases, crying is not just necessary, but necessary! Why? Because, splashing out everything that has boiled up, we thus get a psychological discharge, and the body is freed from stress. If we keep the negative in ourselves, experience it silently, then emotions accumulate, compressing our psyche, just like a spring is compressed under pressure. But this process is not endless! And one day an explosion will follow, the result of which can be depression, neurosis, insomnia and many other serious problems. Do you want to control yourself in any situation, not to cry? Then prepare in advance to become a patient of a psychotherapist!

When to restrain yourself

We examined situations in which tears are a protective natural reaction of the body to external stimuli. However, any emotion is a double-edged sword. When it becomes affective, i.e. excessive, exaggerated forms, the picture also begins to take on a clinical appearance. And here, indeed, it should be understood that in other cases it is better to restrain oneself and not cry than to dismiss oneself and nurse on every occasion. And not always the situation is conducive to the open manifestation of feelings. If you were insulted, then to show tears in front of the offender means to humiliate yourself even more, to show your own weakness and sensitivity, that is, to give your enemy another reason to gloat and triumph. Do you need it? So let's think about how to learn not to cry in an inappropriate environment.

Learn to dominate

Yes, that's exactly what the first tip sounds like. Develop restraint and self-control, the ability to control emotions, to show a strong-willed moment. Various auto-trainings will provide you with good support in this regard. The easiest and most accessible way to calm down and not cry is to take a deep breath several times and count to ... Some up to 10, and some more. The main thing is that after such an exercise you relax a little, pull yourself together, and feelings return to a more familiar course and degree. This is, so to speak, advice for situations in force majeure. And in general - a long and hard work on yourself!

Evidence by contradiction

How not to cry if you want? Another good tool is the ability to look at the problem from a slightly different position, when it ceases to seem fatal. As in geometry - evidence by contradiction. Did your husband leave for someone else? Yes, it hurts, it’s hard, it’s insulting, it’s hopeless ... You can pick up epithets endlessly. Or you can sit down and try to think differently: and “his” departure is the prospect of new acquaintances, hobbies, flirting, and so on. One page of life is turned and another begins. If there are children, then, of course, the situation is more complicated. But after all, no one cancels the financial and other assistance of the “former”! Therefore, you should not behave as if "life was cut short." No! What makes us stronger - adopt this worldly wisdom, and it will teach you how not to cry from pain, but to protect yourself, your inner world from external cruelty.

From a smile

Psychologists often recommend: when they start scratching cats at their hearts, go to the mirror and smile. At first, with a stretch, even if your smile looks like a grin. Then again, again and again ... Until you get a joyful, sincere smile, from the bottom of your heart. And at this moment you will feel how it becomes easier, brighter, and what tormented you ceases to be so important. Repeat the exercise more often, smile at your reflection, enjoy meeting with yourself! Proven in practice: this method is good not only for those who are thinking about how to do it so as not to cry. It will help any person to cheer up, gain cheerfulness and self-confidence. Therefore, remembering the famous words of Baron Munchausen, smile, gentlemen, smile!

distraction moment

If you are interested in how to never cry, we are forced to disappoint you: it is not feasible. No wonder the poet said: "Who did not cry, he did not live." But to reduce the experience to a minimum - you can. How? Learn to switch and be distracted. You feel that it has “rolled up” and is about to overwhelm - try to distract yourself. For this, someone grabs a vacuum cleaner or washing powder, someone enthusiastically scribbles on a typewriter, trying to kill the “setting teeth” with the anticipation of a new outfit. Someone is saved by the kitchen and the original recipe, while others pull their hair out of the swamp of the torment with rhythmic music, a comedy film or an action-packed book, prayer, meditation, sports equipment and even sex ... All means here are good, as long as they give the necessary mental relaxation and serve effective lightning rod.

Turning to scream

Yes, if you are choking with tears, it will be useful to simply “shout out”. In a cry, we express not only accumulated emotions, but also physical tension. Close yourself in your room and shout whatever comes to mind - furiously, without restraint, out loud. You'll feel better almost immediately, you'll see. True, then there will be conversations with neighbors, and not about the weather ... But this is a slightly different story.

Peace of mind is in our hands

Soulful, i.e. inner peace is a special state of harmony with oneself, peace. It is achieved by choosing a way of thinking and the ability to look at life's problems from different angles.

And, finally, the main thing is to cultivate positive thinking in yourself and live, rejoicing in every new day. After all, life is priceless - it is your life!

Question to the psychologist:

Hello, my name is Zarui.

I have a problem communicating with my mom. I can communicate well with many, but I can’t discuss the same topic with my mother. In principle, I trust her and am sure that all our conversations will remain with us. But when I want to tell her something or tell her about my problems, or just ask for advice, I immediately start crying and talking with a trembling voice, and as always she gets nervous or angry from this, asks me to explain that's why I'm crying, because it's for her ( and, in principle, to me) is very disturbing and the conversation does not work out as always. She, in turn, really wants and is ready to understand me, give advice, listen to me, but my crying interferes with everything. And if I do not cry during such conversations, then we will have a miracle relationship.

I myself don’t know why I’m crying, I’m not afraid of her, and I’m not afraid of her advice and reaction either, but what I want to say is just about my life’s difficulties or the type that I’m not ashamed of. No shame. Not fear. I don’t know why I’m crying and how to stop tears, even if only during a conversation. Well, a lump in my throat. It bothers me a lot in the first place. I know that tears are a way of showing emotions, but in such cases, there is no need to show emotions at all. Well, let's say I want to tell her that, in my opinion, maybe one of my friends likes me, or I just like someone, or I have problems with my studies, or that I'm afraid not to find a job in my specialty, or I just lost heart, or that I don't understand something do in my thesis. (My brother helps me with my diploma and it happens that he gives me a task that I don’t always succeed in, and since we don’t have much time, it happens that it makes me nervous because I didn’t solve the problem) and about the fact that I can’t solve this problem with my mother, it doesn’t work either discuss. Well, now, according to my mother, the time that I spend on dancing (amateur dancing 2 days a week for 1.5 hours) and in her opinion I should not go to classes this month so that I can also devote this time to my thesis. And the fact that these 3 hours a week will not interfere with me and that this can be called my rest time, I cannot discuss with her. Well, I'm crying. I can't even say the whole sentence without crying. In principle, I can not go to dances (although I really want to), but I can’t say what don’t do.

Please help me, how to deliberately not cry in such situations???

The psychologist Tsibizova Ekaterina Romanovna answers the question.

In your case, the internal stress affects. A diploma, sympathies that arise, the desire to find a new job, stop showing your emotions ... You have listed so many problems that it remains for you to recommend that you stop for a while and consider the speed of your life. We sometimes do not even notice the burden that weighs on Us, which we carry behind our backs because we do not have enough time even to comprehend it. And later, for no reason or with someone's help, we start throwing ourselves at relatives and passers-by, crying, defending our point of view, falling into depression, drinking alcohol and ... this can be continued indefinitely. Isn't it time for us to stop and say to ourselves: “Calm down! You can do more if you start acting judiciously and systematically. Write down all your thoughts on paper and read them again, carefully considering whether we need them the way they are in our head. Your tears are the accumulated negative emotions that you already have over the edge. Your pace of life and the desire to fill this life with meaning (education, work, family) cause you stress that you do not have time to get rid of. Close your eyes. And relax.. Visualize your tears. Imagine that they are small pieces of ice, precious stones, or anything, if only you could collect them from your face and throw them away from yourself with the thought that your negativity is in them and you are getting rid of it. Imagine that each tear is a negative that your body gets rid of. Imagine a tear “fear of crying when talking with your mother” and wipe it off your face, forget that such fear existed in your head at all. Do this exercise in the morning and evening so that during the day your head is cleared of bad thoughts and emotions that make you feel uncomfortable. Most importantly, do not dwell on this unpleasant situation and move on! And don't stop dancing. In dancing, we express our emotions without fear of being misunderstood. Be happy!